Number Crunching

Number crunching , calculations , permutation and combunations , data mining , above all tension, anxiety - i will describe my past few days like this only. one question in my mind...... can i take this ne more? I hope i can, but my mind doesnt want to. it bloody goddamn tired. i should have been sad today. Man Utd lost on the FA Cup finals. But i am not. i am not affected. this is the last thing i want, i just dont myself to be cut off from the world. i wanna go out n have fun. My idea of fun may not going to an expensive bar and drink a lot (cant even afford it) or go to a very busy place... i just want to have some peace. just give time to myself, reflect upon my actions. a lot many things are on my mind rite now. I wanna find solutions to them, but just cant seem to find time. I need space. My space, I need to talk to myself, or else i am going down. it wont be too long that a tire out and lose everything.
lately, i am getting some information abt my frens. Holy Christ !!! they have become super human beings now. And when i look at myself, i pity myself. Where am I? who am i? i m nothing. wat have i done to my life. i need to grab it by the throat at put it right back on track. But i know, its not that easy, i need to fill the gigantic void. It will take massive time. But if i am able to fill it, the growth, i know, must be really intoxicating.... When that happens, i will know that my number crunching bore fruits !!!

Take care!!!

Bloody chicken pox

yaar, why does this happen ? i mean what is the purpose...... no no i am not down with chicken pox but my baby..... oh just cant look at agony. So much pain..... I mean why.... She just cant bear it.... Bullocks !!! Sorry for using shitty words today but that totally reflects my state of mind today.... ITS IN TURMOIL....... Never seen so much so bad..... I am in a crisis... I am mentally exhausted. To top it all, my 'strength' is struggling with her health. Oh my God !!! why do you do it? there must be some purpose. Do you want to make people strong. Are you sure you wanna do it ? I mean why we should be mentally strong ? do we even need to be strong. Human emotions as they say are very important. If we become so strong, would be need anyone else ? Aint it that we are already moving apart from each other. Remember the theory of 'BIG BANG' we have been taught. Is it applicable in real life too? I mean in human emotions. We are proud to be independent. But doesnt it bring with itself way too extra space that we actually need. Yes, agreed all of us need space. All of need our own time... But do we need it so much that we move apart from each other. And it all from being STRONGER....... Stronger in what sense ? Perhaps i am not in any mood to ponder over it in depth. so i leave it to you. Comments are invited....

PS - My PROBLEM remains unsolved. God knows when it will be solved (or get worsened) . But this is not on my mind now... Its only my baby.... Hey honey, you will get well soon....

Anxiety !!!

oh my god, this thing, this PROBLEM of mine is killing me. I am not being the same person I am. But, the time is near. I will know where i stand. It will be either a success or a grand failure. A failure which will be very hard to overcome. It will shake my roots, give a big jolt to me fro within, I will be shaken and stirred, Everything will be a mess, It will be the biggest loss i have ever had. But if i dont face it, i will be in a bigger problem. So part of me says to be brave and take everything on the chin, but other part of me is equally scared by the things which will come.
I dont want to face anything right now, I am just not ready or am I? I have multiple smaller issues. I would rather pay attention to them, But i just cant. This PROBLEM occupies my mind like the universe believed to be occupied by ether, I guess its only me who thinks too much about my PROBLEM. Actually, its not even a PROBLEM till now. But something inside me says that it going to be hell for me in coming times. Something inside me says to be prepared for the coming onslaught. Something inside me says to be ready for the biggest challenge of my life. And i am not too sure if i am that strong that i will overcome it and win the challenge. May be its the way of life. Maybe the God wants me to improve . Or is it me, who wants to be a better and stronger person. Lots of questions, but no answers.........

Another day passes by.......

we live in jet age.Time flies by. Everything happens too quickly, way too fast for someone's liking. Those who cant keep up with the pace lag behind. Or do they? let us look into the ways how slow(relatively) ppl can keep up with the times. First of all, Evryone should know his or her own limits. When you know your strengths and weaknesses, doesnt it become so much easier to live. We know wat we are capable of. We know wat we cant achieve. In my opinion its better to perform 100 % in a domain of 50 rather than 70% in a domain 0f 100. yes , you are relatively achieving more in the second case. but, the keyword is relatively. What does one want , one wants to be satisfied by quality or quantity. remember, percentage has an upper limit ( 100 % , Oh C'mon , be realistic, you can never perform more than that.) but the quantity hasnt. Ppl running after quantity suck.... there is always a better number to achieve...... So stop running after more and more in terms of number and start achieving your best. Dont you remember, ppl saying that they want to better themselves and not others. The gist is INCREASE YOUR OWN EFFICIENCY.

Now, we talk about the special case of achieving more than 100% . lets call it GOOGLE. when you GOOGLE, you are not achieving more than 100 %. Confused ? Not actually, what you are doing is increasing your domain. Thats the next stage of ' catching up with faster ppl '. The story of the rabbit and the tortoise. what did it teach us. wasnt it about EFFICIENCY. Was it about QUANTITY . So take your pick and act today for a better tomorrow.


PS - All the stuff written is my personal opinion. I dont want to offend anyone. Neither do i want or expect everyone to follow it.

Misunderstanding

Misunderstandings - Such a wonderful word. You say something else. They interpret something else. Doesnt it suck ? For wat you wasted ur resources for. For getting ill words thrown back at you. hahahaha!!! when this happens , A person seriously thinks of always keeping his knowledge and ideas to himself. But, this is certainly not the way the world sustains itself. You have to interact, give ideas, suggestions and also yelled back at. Ppl will continue to misunderstand you.

Chal yaar , koi nai. Yeh sab to laga rehta hai. I never wanted to take any sorta panga with neone. But ho gaya. Never felt like taking one. But ho gaya. Yeh, MISUNDERSTANDING hi sabki jar hai......

Neways will try to sort this out soon.....


Hey, Solved it. was pretty fast....... Hope the misunderstanding is over for ever,,,,,,,

Scared to death !!! Part 2

writing the prvious entry , i thought about the AD of a soft drink, "JHOOTH BOLTE HAI WOH JO KEHTE HAIN HAMEIN DARR NAHI LAGTA , SABKO DARR LAGTA HAI ". This is so very true. Evrybody is scared about something or other. Everybody has some insecurities. I have some. But currently, my PROBLEM is my biggest of them. God knows when it will be solved. I want all this to end now. But cant help the situation . I know it would be very long till my situation improves. So , i will be fighting till then.

Hey ppl, Please read MANUAL OF THE WARRIOR OF LIGHT. Its a wonderful book written by Paulo Coehlo. It says one fights because its one's duty to fight. And my duty now, is to fiht. NO OTHER DAMN OPTION.

Scared to death !!!

everybody has been scared at least once. But how to describe the feeling. When ppl say they are scared to death. what does it mean? Ask me. I am now scared to death. The PROBLEM worsens. hope it gets solved readily. This PROBLEM i cant solve. Only time. No one else can. I hope it gets solved. But i am scared . The feeling of the world around you crumbling is very bad. Your dreams , your expectations , evrything gets shattered. There is nothing left. Oh ..... this is the reason why people get scared. they dont want to see this aspect of life. But this is true. It happens to everybody. Everybody gets scared. Evrybody loses just for once. i have many times. But , this loss will be the biggest of them all. Nobody wil help me from getting out of it. Its me and me alone. But , will it be able to stop me? I dont know. But i know one thing that i will fight it . Not because i am a fighter but because i dont have any other option.

What I want........

Hey, we discussed about Maddy. This guy is very clear about one thing in life. And i really admire him for this. He would never work for money. This brings me to a major question about myself...------ WHAT DO I WANT ?

Do I want ;-

1. Loads of money
2. Travel around the world
3. Girls around me all the time
4. All the latest gizmos
5. A lavish house to live in.....

Actually i wont want any of the above to be in excess. Take out Point # 3 . i dont need gals around me. Nopes, i am not gay. But i have my baby. She is the only one who i want. I just wanna live a very hectic life full of activities. but i would like to take some time out for family. i want to be a workaholic. i dont want a peaceful life. I want to keep running. Waise bhi, i always make things difficult for myself. So , i am always left with some headaches. Hmmm, i visited my baby's place today and she said i looked pathetic. Big dark circles under my eyes, a tired looking face just accentuated my bad looks. This can be attributed to the PROBLEM i am currently facing. But, i am taking a new resolution today. I would stop blaming external factors for my shortcomings. I will take full responsibilities of my actions......

PS - Maddy, You will know what you exactly want. Trust me none of us knows the same. Even if they claim to know. Its just crap. You have done a great job till now. I am sure you will keep on doing that later also.

Superb.......

hey, i am a bit relieved now, that i know i can face my PROBLEM. My baby has been such a strong support. bring it on.....

MADDY BHAI

hey now about Maddy. My college buddy. Oh he has been fantastic over the years. One of the oldest of my frens in college. Well, he will also be an IIM alumnus. He is going to Lucknow. Always expected him to do well. We share some kind of bond i cant explain. he asks me very weird questions regarding life n philosophy. I too do the same.... This bloody guy can discuss on any damn topic, even the sewage pipes...... Knows when and where and how to slog..... He will go far... thats my feeling. One of the Buddies with whom i ll be always in contact with....

AM I A THUG ?

during the early school days, i mean very early.. lets say i was in STD I, i started my own business. yeah , a business. I was and still am a huge fan of Britannia milk bikis. In those days, Britannia offered a mini comic book free with every packet. And what do i do? I start selling those comics to my classmates.... for Re. 1 /- per comic.... i made quite a sum. and when the demand grew, i sold them for more. Rs 2/- and Rs 3/-. the price was fixed according to the volume of the comic. Volume 3 costed most that is 3. I dont know why i did this. the bigger question is HOW? How could i manage this ?

This is not the only thing. there are a lot more......

but should i write them in detail over here,,, i dint know.... Some friends mite be shocked, others mite think that they knew this. So , i should not go into the details.... I am not promising to anyone that i wont do these sorta things again. If i get the opportunity and i see that i get get away without any harm done, stories will be repeated....

After all, this all is cut throat. Darwin rightly said, " SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST ". You need to be different , you need to be active 24 X 7 , keep your eyes and ears open.....

Hey , you know, the PROBLEM i was talking about. I thought about it, its a big problem. but somehow when i got up today, i said to myself, i am certainly bigger than the problem. So , i am not afraid of it anymore. Yes, it will throw me back, it will make me do something i dont want to do. But in the end, its me who will emerge out of it. Because , It always happens this way only.

Tata, catch ya later.....

Enough for today.....

enough for today.... will talk about other college buddies later.. have to go now... I HOPE MY PROBLEM IS SOLVED...........

Lets talk about college

College - what is this? Hmmmm, i have visited this place a very few number of times. I regret for the same... remember the problem i was telling you about.... it all starts with not attending classes. Low attendances can be FATAL. trust me on this. Someday, i will write the various rules from the Golcha's School of Thought. So, not enough material on college...

Lets get to ppl now......

I have to start with Pilla aka P.Sukruth


First, you look at him and think, why would a person eat a whole cow? but when you know him closely, you would understand him better. This guy made my college life a bit easier. Very talented, great comprehension abilities, smooth talker and many other things are his positives. I always knew this guy would end up in an IIM. and he did the same. He is going to be an IIM alumnus.. Sounds too good man... you have been superb keep up the good work. As i write, should i Cut copy paste and send it as an orkut testimonial.. Naaaahhhhh..... wont do it... the best part is coming..... The guy is confused about gals, he sucks.... He knows he loves someone but always says that he is not sure whether the Feeling would be there after sometime.... Hahahahaha, the funny times are when we are discussing our love lives when we have an end sem exam coming in 6 hrs and have studied nothing....( Remember the problem i am facing now).... All those mornings will be unforgettable when we used to call each other half asleep and say - " Chod yaar, we wont be able t make it to the college in time , aaj nahi aate...." So, we have missed a lot of classes. (Again ppl pls keep in mind the PROBLEM which i am facing right now).

OOps, i dont want this blog to be dedicated to pilla . so Pille!!! buzz off... enough of you.. Just do well in watever you do in IIM K. One advice from my side - Quit smoking. It sucks.... ppl i havent told you about the great immune system Pilla has got.....

Golcha - how many do we need?

how many Golchas do we need...... Do we need even one.... what is golcha doing in ths place... does he relate to anything that is happening in this world.... to answer this, one must know what , rather than who golcha is... Is he a hyperactive person, is he a lazy b*stard, Is he one who just hates being in a crowded place or is he one who hates loneliness. Or this guy is one who immensely loves himself and doesnt care a bit for others, a ruthless fellow who is so obsessed with himself that he cant see anyone else but himself or just the complete opposite, a happy go lucky guy who just wants to do something for others, something for the near and dear ones who expect him to excel in whatever darn thing he picks up...... there could be many definitions. trust me , i can make you meet ppl who feel very differently about myself...

So the big question, do i have a split personality?????? i know its a disorder (sorry, cant help you with the name). If you ask me, i dont think so. The confusion will be amongst my college buddies. according to them, i am bloody hyperactive.... always having energy levels so high that is most of the times uncontrollable..... Why am i like this ? because when i got into college , my image was made to be like this only.... i just chose to stick with it... But, you know wat, I hate it now... i have begun hating myself for wat i have become.... it could have been so much better... i have ruined everything. It was meant to be a very beautiful life... but as with Manchester United, i make things difficult for myself. I hope i prevail this time. The time is now, when i grab myself by the collar and put myself on the right track. its all going horribly wrong. ppl will say why, how? but i think this wont take me anywhere.

So do we need people who are like Golcha?

You just can not fill this world with Golchas. The entropy law will be defied... Hey, i will continue to wrute on this blg daily and keep updating - do we need Golchas? even if the answer is - A BIG NO. i give a damn. because i am here. and here to stay. This attitude was missing for sometime and i was missing it a lot. I am happy that it is back.

The Motive

hey ppl, i know someday somebody would read this and ask himself/herself - "Golcha.... blogging? dont get the connection.....". Seriously speaking, even i dont know why i am doing this i just wanna write something today, so felt like blogging. i am not too sure how often will i do it , but as i write it seems fun and relaxing....

The life has been very generous till now to me. i hope the trend continues. but of late , i am facing some problems. we will get to the problems later.

hey forgot to tell you ppl about myself.
I am rahul golcha, student of NSIT, delhi. for the ppl who dont know what NSIT is - its an engg. college in dwarka.... i am a student of Manufacturing process and automation engg. Again explain the specialization (as i have done them in various B school's GD/PI), it is not machanical , not production - somewhere in between.

As i write , final college days are passing by. I will miss college for sure. I really have been a nuisance to my batchmates as well as some of the professors......

One thing which will u find in this blog is abrupt endings..... i am not makin any of the ekta kapoor's soaps or Alfred Hitchcock's thrillers...but the ending will be as and when i want it to be.... catch ya later....